So, I don't always go to church, nor am I defined in my faith (sue me later), but when I go, I usually walk away with something. I fully believe meaning and truth can be derived from anywhere (revolutionary, I know!) Today was no exception.
"Repenting isn't doing a check list. Repenting is giving up trying what we aren't capable of fixing."
Of course, this is totally paraphrased but it was such a potent message for me.
Why could it be a potent message for you?
~ Do you suffer from self loathing from problems that are past?
~ Do you feel inadequate in any way?
~ Do you say "screw this, I am going to do this on my own"?
~ Do you try and try (and try) to make relationships, projects, or things work out?
~ Do you only feel worthy when you make check list requirements you or another set forth?
Working with check lists is something I have been guilty of (with or without knowing). Messy check lists- but check lists none-the-less. I have been trying on my own to fix something so big that relying on just me to do it, won't do it. We all do it- just admit that you make a list of some kind.
So those who may identify with what I am talking about, don't be hard on yourself.
Using marriage as a prime example. You have two beings. You have two sets of families. You have children involved. Nothing is uncomplicated about it. If you have an issue with(in) marriage, it is B.I.G. It really truly involves more than just one person trying to constantly fix it for years to later be burned out and burned down. Trying to solve it by oneself will only further dissolve faith, in my opinion. I know, because with things in life, throughout different stages in my life, I have been burned out by trying to do it all myself. I have to submit and admit that I can't be and won't be a series of checklists and approvals- as much as it would simplify my life.
Work would be another great example. Whether volunteer work or paid work, you can be pushed into meeting criteria, (aren't we all hired based off a check list?), that makes it impossible to meet. Friends of mine got hired for one thing and ended up doing many other things than what they were hired for or working insane hours including on the weekends (with or without overtime). We want to all please our employers. It is another complicated and B.I.G. thing in which we identify ourselves and try to please others. After all, it is our bread and butter. So it isn't as simple as walking away from a situation. It is bigger than that. It is representative of walking away from your literal bread-and-butter. So pleasing the employer can mean pushing our worth into our work. Even in volunteering, where one doesn't get paid, I have personally experienced wanting to please or make sure I make the check marks in the organisation and not once offend anyone. Not realistic, first off, and very stressful for anyone. I volunteer sometimes 40 hours a week- yes, for real. Mostly, 10-30 hours a week average. Finally accepting my worth (and love) in being a leader and that I won't please everyone (ie: an event date won't work for everyone) has allowed me to better serve and love those I look after.
This was my walk away.
~ No matter what you believe in, the law of repentence is the same
~ What you need to fix is often bigger than you are capable of doing on your own
~ Giving up what you need repenting or fixing for to the greater cosmic being (whatever that it is that you believe) is really the only way
~ Not giving it up to another cosmic reasoning makes you more resentful of the situation and less able to work it out.
~ It made me feel less worthy, less loved, less able to do
~ It takes physical manifestations in my body, mind, and life
~ It will and does eat up years of your life, your relationships, and more if you can't let go
~ You GAIN power, self love, trust, faith, and opportunity when you can give it up
I am way more spiritual than religious. I like it that way.
As weird as this may sound, defining God not only seems wrong, but seems offensive to 'him or her or it' if God is as grand as we all think. If we believe he is capable of anything and everything, we need to fully submit that we don't know it all.
Personal take away.
~ You can't control someone else's intentions or feelings
~ You can't take sole responsibility for any failure in a relationship as it takes two
~ You can try my best to let go of self-guilt and to do list to make up
~ Admit the fuck ups and know that you are worthy anyways
~ You feel better when you don't try to do it all, fix it all, be it all
And with irony in the title, I leave you with this song as it fits well...
How can YOU give it up so you can help yourself? (Share with me here)