Monday, February 13, 2017

Lists to Love By For Busy Wives

Even those that are separated, such as they are, I am one of them, can use relationship advise. Relationship advise is very helpful in being able to move forward especially if one is willing to be open and honest with themselves about where they have screwed up and where they can go forward.

Lists to Love By For Busy Wives, marriage advise, Susan Merrill, book review, win it, enter to win, giveaway
"Lists to Love By for Busy Wives" Book Review by Via Bella

If you are in a spot where you are in a marriage that is healthy, on the rocks, or dissolved, this is a good book in terms of advise for either boasting what you have, fixing what you are able to, or being able to take the advise into further relationships in the future.

That being said, let's dive deeper into what I like and don't like about this book.

Things I like:

-- They have some very very good ideas and read with an open mind can give you quick pointers on how to help your marriage, and honestly, other relationships too.

-- This is a very quick read.

-- I agree with the majority of the points.

-- I found things I will be working on for future in my marriage(s). (I put an 's' not because I am married to more than one person, because I am not, but because there is something to learn from my past marriage that will help me in my future marriage, should I ever get married again).

-- I love this: "You will always be honest and speak the truth in love. That means no secrets" (page 51). I couldn't agree with this more. I could not be in a relationship, regardless of marriage or not, with secrets because that is where a lot of negative and bad things start. I can, and so can you, handle a lot.

-- "Your marriage is top priority and you will do whatever you can to strengthen it" (page 50). This is beautiful because many put them on the back burner and many things suffer because of it. I tried to hard in many things in my marriage and to the point that honestly, I was trying too hard. I am learning that balance myself.

-- She decodes her husbands saying and meaning by them. I really like this because while it may not be universal to every guy, there is truth to it and I think that could be very helpful for wives.

-- In the chapter about the Hardening of your heart: She makes very potent and great points that can help in any relationship but especially your marriage.

-- I love the 10 texts to send your husband over the next ten days chapter. What a neat idea!!!
I can get behind this 1000%.

Things I don't like:

-- I feel that even with the good advise and the mindfulness that marriage isn't light in nature and should be treated as a life long commitment, it takes it very much on one scale. That is the scale of restriction versus freedom and being squeezed and put into explanation within a marriage. Telling someone that they are restricted in their marriage or that they owe their life, whether they are happy or not, whether they are appeasing others or not, has brought many to the point of complete unhappiness.

-- Things like this honestly boil me: "You will strive to meet the sexual needs of your mate-- not to be withheld because of lack of interest." While it may not mean it, I will not lay with someone when I don't want to do it with them. Asking me to do so, is asking me to lay for money or lay for a contract. Marriage is two ways and that intimate of a relationship is not meant to be done on a contractual basis. Yes, you only have sex with your spouse and you don't withhold as a punishment-- but you don't use your marriage either to barter for sex when the other person isn't feeling up to it at the time. Not cool and very misogynistic in my opinion.

-- The other thing that got me was "You must agree how and where you will worship (page 50)". Sometimes, the best couples I have seen come from different beliefs. While it may help to have the same beliefs, it also can help and strengthen a marriage to be different. Otherwise, one or both partners will be stiffled in growth if they are suppose to be the same in their spiritual paths.

-- Some of the overly conservative advise... While a lot, if not the majority of the advise is good if not great in here, some of it seems over the top to me. "Don't contradict your husband" "Dress like you are taken" are just the few. I don't like being told how to dress- and I am not only to be overly sexual when dressing but it is not okay to tell a woman what to wear. It is aiding and abidding rape culture to say that we are inviting it by how we dress and we should dress like we are taken otherwise we are saying we are available. I know a lot of husbands who love to have their wives dress nicely with their assets showing because it makes them proud that "that person" is theirs. The don't question your husband kind of thing gets my goat too because I feel like it is promoting passiveness and that is not cool either. The ironic part of the dress thing too, is that later on the chapter it says to show your husband love by kissing and doing lots of PDA in public. Is that ironic? Just putting that out there.

In a culture where we are either taught that as women we must fix everything and be quiet because that is our job or on the other side you aren't doing good enough therefore you aren't good enough, I feel that this book can help and hinder both to women.

It is like saying, well your marriage is having issues? Here is how you can fix it. The reality that is never said in this book and has been true in my marriage is that it takes two!

OVERALL...

-- I wish I would have read this book earlier in my marriage
-- I think this is a great book especially with the one by Mark, so that way both husbands and wives have something to work on both together and independently. Together they are a good couple of books. I think they are meant to be read that way.
-- Applied as good advise, it can really help your relationships, not just your marriage.

I give it ☄☄☄☄ out of five (since there is some really good advise in here)

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