Sunday, February 14, 2016

My Heart Hurts on Valentine's & It's Okay! ❥

With all the "love posts" and flowers, roses, chocolates, and wine leading to some *warming activities* I feel I need to write a post that reflects not only where I am at right now but where MANY women (and even men) are right now in their love lives (with others or themselves). This is for you and for me! Happy Valentine's Day to Us! Cheers!

Who ordained the 14 of February as the most lovable day in the year?
Screw them. On the day before valentine's I am not caring if I get chocolates roses no nothing.
OK, take back the chocolate, and maybe wine. I can dig those. LOL.

A hug from my three kids would do me just fine. And the card from my parents (in law) also helped.

love, heart break, Valentine's Day, Self Help, Self Love

This Valentine's Day I am going to be focusing far more on self love than worrying about the roses, the bed, making love/having sex, what others think of me, or what I want love to look like. To love oneself builds a better foundation and no matter where you are in any relationship (including yourself), you have room for growth.

Why on earth would I say such a thing?! Why on Valentine's Day?

I was telling my kid when she got upset today about not wanting to do anything for valentine's, for a reason I admit I don't remember, that valentine's is great but really there should be that kind of love every day. We can celebrate love that day but it is not the only time to celebrate love and those around us.

I have opened my heart (chakra, if you believe in that) and it hurts like hell!
Sounds like that would be counter intuitive because my heart is open, right?

That means more room for hurt.
That means more going through crap that has hurt in the past.
And it is okay to cry-- I have already cried twice this morning. (And I don't cry easily).

I can seriously be doing nothing, dancing for fun, reading, and suddenly it is like a twinge in my heart. It is growing but it SO hurts. So many years of hurt from many different people. Some even from myself either to myself or others. I will have flash backs of going, "wow, that was a mean thing to say even if I did not realise it." Come on, I know you have done it too because every one has said something they did not mean (no matter what happened to you before or in return).

Or it has happened to you and you thought you got over it but it sometimes replays like a bad record.

I think I know understand why people in their mid 30s up truly learn to not give a fuck because it takes years and years to truly go through your own shit. You can not take anything back nor would you want that. When I get to the other side, I will be excited. I will love myself more than I have ever done and I will have the ability to love others on another level.

Right now, I love others more than I love myself. There! I said it.


Like some of you, I have been told what is not good about myself. I have been critised more than praised and I have been put more through struggles because of certain situations rather than getting help through them. Don't worry, I am good now and getting more strong every day in my own heart. :D It is going through it again mentally and spiritually to permanently erase it from effecting my life here on out.

Here is some things I have learned (and hopefully they stick):

1) There is Such Thing as Loving Too Much
Maybe it is a projection of needing more self love onto others but sometimes it is not. Sometimes it is purely wanting the kudos in our name. For me, I want to love others the way I never was. The way my heart feels and loves unconditionally towards many. For me, loving others too much looks like me not loving myself enough and stretching myself so thin. Doesn't mean I don't love them because I do. I love and care very deeply. I just need to have the same love for myself as I do others.

2) Giving Someone Else Your Power is Not Love
Sometimes we bend over backwards over our standards. The problem is that sometimes we do this without realising and it adds up over time. By then you don't notice it. You just figure it to be love. What do I mean by giving your power over? Before I explain, I don't mean things like compromising on say, what you will have for dinner. No.

We all have to join and compromise for love. So don't get that confused for what I am trying to say. For example,  if you are always doing what the other person wants, you will feel left out. But, if you find that they other person engages you in arguments because they want power, that is not cool. You need to walk away. Because no matter how right or wrong even, you can be, getting into an argument is purely a power struggle.  Even if it did not start out as one. And sometimes you are as guilty as the next person because it is human nature. And no, debates is not what I am talking about either.

Doesn't mean either of you have had power or given it up. Look for the spots in your life where you can move on from wasting your energy and power on things that don't matter as much. At the end of the day, whatever giving your power looks like, try to make sure that you retain some of your power or energy. You need it to get through the day.

3) Sacrificing What You Want, Even if You Don't Know it Yet, Isn't Love
I am NOT talking about once, twice, half the time even. So don't use this as a way to say, "sorry, you don't want to go to the mountains with me this weekend, you are making me sacrifice this and that is not loving me." No. No. No. That is not what I am saying.

You WILL sacrifice things for the sake of love and life-- let's be honest. That is just life.
What I am talking about is the every day, basics, sanity kind of sacrificing. If you can't be you in a relationship, that isn't love. This means so many things to different people.
Soul search--if you feel like you aren't "you" something is wrong.
Nothing worse than realising you forgot who you were.
4) The Heart Must Go On... And to Go on it Must Hurt
This does not mean to leave a situation or relationship-- it means that you live through it. Now, if you must leave, that is one thing. I won't define your rules, that is up to you, so don't look to me to tell you that. Look with and love yourself to know those inner rules.

But if you don't have to leave it, try to work it out. If you don't work it out where you are at first, it will follow you and become heavier then baggage. It will come with a ball and chain you create by not dealing with it.

You must deal with the hurt you have at some point. Deal with it while it is in front of you. Other wise it will scope creep into the next relationship you have (even if it is with yourself).

5) I Can't Look Back... I Need to Look Forward and Love From This Day Forward
This is another hard lesson to learn. If you go on like in #4, you learn to not look back. If you do, you harp on baggage that no longer exists until you allow it to exist. This is personally hard for me mainly because the past will come back up at the most random times. It is hard to turn my head and look forward but it has to be done WHILE I deal with why it came up again.

Don't forget that where you have been, isn't where you are, and isn't where you are going!
That applies to everything in life including love.

My next post on love will be Creative Self Love!

Let me know what you are thinking in the comments below!

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