Sunday, April 24, 2016

3 Reasons + Regret: I'm Not Happy Buying A House Now

But it's a good choice! 

So as you read this, remember, just because there is regret and reasons NOT to buy, doesn't mean you shouldn't. I just wish to the deepest core of me I would have realised this years ago.

Why do I write this if I am buying?

Because we all go through this when we buy. Well, maybe not all, but most. And those inner voices we have of doubt, worry, fear, and what if's need to be acknowledged.

Maybe you feel the same way. Maybe no one told you it was okay to feel the same way. Maybe your heart and mind can't agree, like mine, and you don't know if it is normal to feel this way.

You are not alone. For now, though, let's dive right into it. (I promise to do a post as well on why I am buying but to do that we need to acknowledge this and move past, hopefully).

Let's go back... way back...

Once upon a time... okay, yes, it is starting that way... but follow me here...

I was a little girl. Going through a lot in my young years.

3 reasons and regret: I'm Not Happy Buying a House Now, buying a house, reasons, Via Bella, housing, Washington DC, spiritual growth, settling, family, Brookland DC, Michigan Park DC, Fort Totten DC, Riggs Park DC, Takoma DC

I had dreams...

Dreams of owning my own home one day. One my kids would LOVE growing up in.

While I did not think that it was going to be in Washington D.C., and I am very happy about this aspect of buying a house (D.C. is a pretty cool city)...

(We live in Takoma DC but moving to the Brookland/Fort Totten/Michigan Park area of DC)...

... I wish I would have bought when I first moved here, even though I had been struggling with some things that made it hard to even look for a house. We started looking soon after I moved here but now I am holding so much regret for not buying earlier. What was wrong with me? I was at the bottom of the market when I got here. Instead of buying a house, I rented from a horrible landlord who only cared about the money aspect of it. I hate myself for this. I could have so much money into my own equity and yet I chose, no matter what I was going through, to rent instead.

While we did not know how long we would be here for because we came on a summer internship, reason knows not the feelings of regret. What I went through these past (almost) five years, was more than quite a few very big things. It all happened in a short period of time, and not of the positive aspect. I still in my mind am frustrated because I want to have saved money on housing.

I don't even want to think about the prices houses would have been when I first moved here. But it would have been HALF as cheap (or expensive) for some of the houses as it is now. I want to cry!

Seriously, I just want to cry.

Do you know here you can sell a crap house as I call it, but a house that is nearly falling apart and still make a lot of money off of it? Just, why?

When did I stop taking chances and dreaming? When?

Apparently, when it came to buying a house.

I settled. 

Not a good thing but it is what it is. I did not buy a heart house. I did not buy a home. Don't get me wrong, I am going to make it a home. I bought a house to not to have to pay rent. I bought a house because it is a smart decision. It was all a brain decision.

For what I bought this week in a house, I could have a bigger yard, each kid could have their own room, I may even be able to have my own office to help myself start my own business. I could have a play room down in the basement without having to touch up to rent just to be able to help pay the mortgage. Yes, it is getting that expensive.

Don't get me wrong. I am happy. Really, I am.

The 5 year search is over. (hell to the yes!)

I wish I would have bought earlier but various things were not in play for us to be able to do it. So sad. So much regret. But...

... I have a house. 3 Bed, 1 Bath. Pretty small. Small back yard with an awesome old tree.

I have buyers remorse but it is more that I have it because I didn't do it before and now my payments are so much more. I get so so mad at myself when I think of it actually. I could have bought something before that could be better.

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Deal in the past much?

Maybe- I don't think so. But if I can't be mad at myself and realise why I was and am so mad at myself, what do I have to learn and grow from the experience?

It is purely on some sort of faith that I am trusting things work out for the best.

If I had bought two to five years ago;
1) My mortgage payments would be lower by several hundred
2) My choices would have been more vast in choices of houses and affordability
3) I wouldn't have the same buyers remorse I do now
4) I could have a bigger house

Honestly, really, we couldn't buy a house then. As much as I would like to say that I could, there is no way we could have bought a house then because of where we were at.

Why are you telling me all this?

Again, we can sit and dwell in the past or sit and think about it so we can best deal with all of it so we don't make the same mistakes in the future. I can be mad. I can be angry at myself. I can want a house and not want it at the same time. Why? Because feelings are valid. I am sure that a lot of people feel this at some level weather they want to admit it outwardly or not.

I am like a glass house- you can see what I think or how I feel and I hold little shame in that.

This buying a house, isn't just buying a house.

Buying a house is part of your socio-economical and spiritual growth.

Why do I say that? If my brain was the only thing operating me, I would have bought a house a long time ago. I would need a tune up every so often as if I were a robot.

It is a growth on MANY levels.

When you buy a own, even if you don't own it outright, you have the right to resell later and you get what you spend in 'rent' back. You gain ability to do things with your friends and family, even if you are strapped right now, like we are.

I don't mean spiritual as in the Christian way. Nope. (If you want to read that way, go ahead). But that is not what I mean. I mean that it a way that you grow internally. It will force you to deal with issues surrounding feeling secure, grounded, good enough, self esteem, and so much more.

At the end of the day....

It is done. It is worth it.

I am not alone in these feelings. YOU are not alone in these feelings.

Feel free to comment and share with me your stories of buying a house and the process you went through.

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