Monday, March 14, 2016

Stress + Anger Destroys Families-- Are You Pitchin' a Fit?

Have you ever been in the position where you as the parent have made the ill decision to lose your temper on your child? Okay if you are, which 99.99% of parents have, you can use this book. Even if you don't raise your voice, you can use this book. Don't be fooled that being angry is just yelling. It can be more internal and you don't realise it!

I am one to believe any book can have something good even if you don't like the rest of the book. The glass half full, if you will.

Don't forget to enter the Giveaway at the bottom of the post!! 

ptichin a fit, israel and brooke wayne, via bella, angry parenting, stressed out, parenting, self help, book review

In this book they go over chapters covering::
1) Being over stressed and overworked.
2) Whether being angry is okay
3) What causes getting angry
4) Whether we provoke our kids with our anger
5) What are triggers that could be setting you or your kids off
6) Yelling and hollering parents
7) You are not patient?
8) What patience is and is not
9) Nurture is heart of correction
10) Power of affirmations
11) Creating peace
12) Accountability

Some of My Take Aways:
-- Trying for perfection in having your ducks in a row can cause stress.
-- No shame in being stressed but no need for it to take over your life
-- At the end of #1, being over stressed and overworked, they give you a challenge to see what in your life you can do to take the stress away and try to be more present with your kids.
-- Anger starts as a physical manifestation of when our bodies or minds think we are in danger and is normal. Reaction to that physical manifestation is when we yell and such.
Something I don't like so much about this book is the huge use of scripture. Don't call me against God because of it, because I am not. I just think it limits the audience in which it could benefit because of it. And there is a huge portion of the book that I feel the amount of scripture used deters from their arguments.  It is almost like they are using it as a prop for their arguments rather than by using for backing up their position. This makes portions of the book seem weak.

However, some of their arguments that they say that are biblically based for them- have some great points. One I like that I never thought about before was that anger or getting upset comes from a desire or expectation. This is something I had not thought about before and seriously can use some re-evaluation because I can often get upset or angry with something or myself when something does not go as I think it should or perfectly. And what use really is that? But I never thought of expectations or desire as being part of it. Who knew?

No matter how it shows, we all have anger or stress over something- often times unnecessary.

I will state the non-religious aspects I like their road map to freedom:
1. Evaluate where you are on the anger spectrum
2. Recognize that you need to change it and can't do it on your own
3. Make the choice that you can change
4. Believe you can change
5. Recognize your triggers
6. Admit when you are wrong and move on
7. Practise speaking words of encouragement
8. Realise it takes 30 days to break habits
9. Be willing to be held accountable
10. Journal the process- both good and bad
11. Guard your personal time

They then turn around and talk about children in relation to this. Often times, the relationships we have get transferred to our kids. So it is in our best interest and theirs to make the best of it- whatever it is.

It talks about the time that we spend with our kids does mold them and if they don't get the affirmations that they need through us, they will look else for what they are needing- which is love and affirmation.

Some ways to reduce your stress:
1) Reduce caffeine
2) De clutter your house and life
3) Realistic Expectations
4) How to Prepare for your day
5) Communicating during interruptions
6) limit social media
7) Be careful in which you engage in negative movies and music
8) Reduce negative self talk

Something I read that flows with the saying that "if mama ain't happy, no one is" is this:
"Mom's unhappiness directly opens the door for anger in her life".

If you are a parent who yells, or have ever yelled, some tips they give is such:
1) make a plan ahead of time what you want to do differently next time you feel like raising your voice. Do opposite and speak super quietly. This is retraining your habits.
2) Be near the child
3) save yelling for dangerous moments
4) take a break
5) address things right away rather than letting them build throughout the day
6) Write down your directions for kids that can read
7) Acknowledge when you are wrong

There are funny parts in the book comparing parents to rival university professors in long drawn out lectures- and there is truth to that. They talk about walking away, using words wisely, having patience, and that having patience is not letting them slide.

They go on to talk about affirmations and why they are important for not just us but for our kids!

Something I think they hit the nail on the head about is what causes parents, especially mums, to feel like they at their wits end.

1) they feel invisible
2) They feel like they are doing it all themselves
3 They are spiritually depleted
4) They are overwhelmed

Where are you on this spectrum? Do you have the need to improve any part of this to be a better parent?

I am not a highly religious person and there are parts of the book I don't like, mainly the overuse of scripture, but skip over that and read behind what they are saying. They have got some good things to say!

You can listen to an interview with the authors here on Shaun Tabatt's blog.

This book was received in exchange for honest review! 

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