Dear House... I Have Commitment Issues...

Ahhh! It's the moment that we have all been waiting for... You know, since I promised myself we were going to buy a house. I wrote I think it was in late December 2015 that I was SO mad at myself for paying so much for rent and paying off someone else's house. Especially having a very crappy landlord!

That being said... guess what we did.... 

We put in our first offer on a house, like for real, this time.

What makes me go "ahhhhh!"?

Oh you dirty minded person you! Not that. No.

I think I paced for 6-8 hours straight BEFORE making an offer.
I panicked, I yelped, I cried. No joke.
My stress I was having was normal on steroids. Ha. That means that it was normal for the stress and even some of the panic, but mine... geez, it was like, crazy panic LOL.

I felt like....

I couldn't commit to the house! 

Yes, I have commitment issues apparently... 
not to people.... but to houses?! 

Okay, I know, right, this does not make sense AT ALL?
How is it possible I can make marriage commitments, commitments to have kids, commitments to scouting and to friends and family so much but a house would be the thing that makes my tail spin?

We also made it part of our In With The New: 16 New Years Resolutions  to buy a new house. There are many reasons as you can read but it really is about taking back personal power and building equity for myself and my kids.

Well, I am writing this because it dawned on me...

(About to get very personal here...)

I never had a home growing up. And not just house, but a home. Yes, I was a foster kid. I was taken when I was three or four years old. This was for all the right reasons, not petty reasons (and some are taken away for petty reasons, no offense, but I can't speak to each story obviously but have seen it firsthand). For the right reasons though, that I am thankful. But I bounced through so many homes and dealt with so much s*&t about people not wanting me that it left a scar in the "home" part of my heart. Supremely tragic I know. #truth

That kind of past will catch up to you when you least expect it to and for the weirdest or realist reason you can think of. Mine was louder than the London Tower clock + all the metro trains going by full speed at the same time!

The last thing I wanted to do was screw up as a parent to not be able to give my kids what they absolutely deserved. Sounds like a first world problem and I know that. I am one of those that really wanted to give my kids what I did not have. They are living in one of the best cities in the world for opportunity and that should be enough right? No. They all currently share a bedroom and frankly, my daughter needs her own room, badly. We will still be tight on space though. Not much more than what we have now.

Urban living is great and I love it but it comes at a cost. There is a park nearby but it means we don't have much of a back yard. We are in between, if we get this house, two busy streets, some things more walkable, one good school, one not so good, two recreation centers within a mile, grocery store... For all that, I am excited.

We sat down with our real estate agent and it was not just signing papers. I wanted to know everything in the contract I was signing... so thank God Jamie Willis of Compass Realty in DC had a law school degree and could explain it to me, lol. She was and is great. I am super stoked to have picked her.

Now, that I have put in the offer, what I think I need to realise or have realised already:

1) It is good enough
2) We get to make it our own (aka, fixer upper)
3) What I do will be great for my kids because I have high hopes
4) With this house, it is not only equity, investment, but also frees up money to be able to do more that we would have otherwise spent on rent.
5) Putting in an offer is not "marrying" the home right away if we got the house and got "married" to it, we have many opportunities in the future to make it a home and sell it later if we need to
6) It is close to everything so walking won't be such a pain in the butt during extreme weather
7) I won't get in over my head and if I do, I have my father who can help me via video chat
8) Moving is always hard but no time like the present
9) If it is meant to be, it will be.
10) Gives me the ability to dream big on every inch of the house and making improvements.

I have literally dreamt about what I am going to do with the space under the stairs, how I am going to break a counter and switch out for more open space, what I am going to do with the kids' rooms, how I am going to build a basement apartment on my own.

So, I have gone a little nuts having fun thinking about possibilities of what I will do next for this house should we get it! I was nervous but now, I am excited!

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You can CLEARLY see most my recent pins are for housing stuff-- I am excited! Feel free to follow me and see how this possible new house turns out for us!

I can't wait to share our journey with you!!

Why is this post important?

Great question...

Buying a house in an emotional facing of what is past, letting go, and investing in your future! #buyingahouse #nowisthefuture @REALTORS

— Via Bella (@Via__Bella) January 29, 2016