So it is Valentine's Day 2018.
If you are like me and you are separated divorced or single, I want you to hear loud and clear that you are just as wonderful just as awesome just as Kick-Ass as anyone else on Valentine's Day...
and every other day as well.
I remember in high school when you could order Valentine's Grams for other classmates. I would always feel bad if I didn't have a boyfriend at the time or if my classmate next to me got more than I did and even vice versa if my classmate got none and I got one. Needless to say, it was not a low-pressure situation because as we know the pressure that you would endure as a teenager is pretty high. Mostly because we are looking outwardly from both society to show us how to love and from our peers on being able to execute that. Talk about pressure and giving you stress zits!
Now that I am a full grown adult and I'm separated after over a decade of marriage and being separated for a few years, I am spending my Valentine's Day today doing lots of different things; errands, chores, parenting and so forth. You know you want to be me, right? LOL
I have blogged and done my blogging business (takes more time than you think), moderated several Facebook groups already this morning. I'm homeschooling my children. I go to work this afternoon. After work, I have to go deliver a bunch of Girl Scout cookies for my daughter and for the community. And this is on top of normal errands and chores and that good jazz that a mother does.
So today, I made it an intentional thing that I rested a little bit this morning before I got up and I allowed my non-brick and mortar students to rest a little bit as well. Plus we're still getting over being sick so it's a good excuse. (See what I did there?)
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Like the Tweet!
Valentine's Day: Healing of the Separated Heart— Via Bella (@Via__Bella) February 14, 2018
💖✨💔➡️https://t.co/6V6ey1xUKE ⬅️💔✨💖#RT #ValentinesDay #separated #Divorce #brokenheart #Healing #HealingStory #ValentinesDay2018 #LoveIsLoveEveryDay #growth #spiritual #selfhelp pic.twitter.com/O4arNomATq
This evening, I'll probably watch some of the Olympics (oh who am I kidding, I am going to watch a lot of it) but I will most definitely try to dress up while I do it and maybe have a homemade margarita. But... the most important thing beyond things I can do is try to do is to be able to be comfortable in my own skin and find beauty in Valentine's day without it having to be attached to another person.
Two years to the date, I wrote this...
....and it's interesting looking back that I was starting a really long healing process from a marriage that lasted over a decade. I had no clue it would take me this long. And that's okay too.
My Valentines are going to be my children and being able not so worried about the love that I'm going to get but the love I might be able to give out to others.
Tell people who are single around you to not worry about what Valentine's Day is or is not.... because it is a manufacturer holiday and while it's a great reminder for those that are in relationships to love each other to cherish each other, for those that aren't in relationships you can look at it as loving your friends and family and maybe most importantly be loving to yourself without having social and societal standards being pushed down on you that you're less of a person because you're not in a relationship.
PIN THIS!!!
PIN THIS!!!
Trust me, of course, I want to be in a loving relationship with someone else, but sometimes that just doesn't happen when you want it to. But that does mean that when it does happen it will be a beautiful and wonderful thing.
CHALLENGE!! I would even challenge you to kind of look at ways that you can love yourself more but also and probably even more challenging how you can love your ex if you have one.
Oftentimes the term ex comes with all these connotations about what is horrible by the person but sometimes relationships don't work out for their own reasons and that's ok. That doesn't mean that they can't be your Valentine because in some ways they are always tied to you. It is just in a different way. We always think that after a relationship ceases that it's gone. So is the person. Their effect is long gone or we can ignore it. Or we fear that we have lost any connection to them whatsoever. No matter how good or bad of a person they are. They've left a mark on you as a person and no matter if those lessons are positive or negative you can look at it as a growth as a gift.
If I'm more willing to look at experiences whether negative or positive and accept them for what they are without judgment-- we are able to see them and accept them and everything we get as gifts. You see them as part of a bigger journey that we are all going through.
When you do this, you can do what I did and instead of throwing away or pawning your engagement ring. you can do what I did, and keep it. Why? Because it is not worth it to throw it away. It's a good reminder of what you had, what went right, what went wrong. What you learned. How you loved.
For Valentine's today, while it normally is really hard for me since my separation, this is a really good for reminder for me to really be able to put my foot down and love myself more and be able to put some of the basic needs that I have before I put the needs of my ex first. That is really really hard. Especially because love doesn't die easily- no matter how hard the relationship was. Unfortunately, it's common in a hopeless romantic to want to imagine that situation becoming a phoenix rising out of the ashes and sometimes that can taunt us so much that the fallen expectations end up hurting us more.
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However, that Phoenix can rise to be something much greater including seeing the potential of good coming from negative. Seeing a really bad relationship turn into friendship. Even if it is the tiniest faint of light, it is still light. And we all have it. It's worth working for. Trust me.
I think that the biggest thing I can do this Valentine's Day for me is to realize the truth and a see that truth as a gift. That my broken marriage is a gift. Because that gift gave me three beautiful children.
So please if you are struggling at all today, know how loved you are and not just the physical need to kiss or have coitus but something way greater than that. You are loved for who you are and you can and do have a great purpose here on Earth. We ALL do!
So maybe try some of the tips I have here on how to love yourself more and we can all practice a little bit more today.
Another idea that I have is if you are in the DC area, I am going to host a Dirty Valentine's party because I want those that are separated divorced or single to be able to feel loved on that day and a beautiful way. And now even though I won't be able to host it today because it's a work night I am going to do a Facebook event him up or everybody in my see what day works for them because everyone should feel loved.
So insane that please move forward and do something nice for somebody else without the expectation of getting anything back and how is that with the true meaning of Valentine's Day.
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