First Half of the 2016 Year in Book Reviews

I thought it would be a great time to review what I have read and reviewed as far as books go in 2016!

It is interesting to see myself go from not reading and checking out books at the library only for my kids to reading... a lot! In 6 months, I have read... let' me count them up... (seriously, I am pausing to count them)... 33 books!!! WOW!

In January, I just started doing book reviews. It was baby steps in review land for me. Then it started getting busy in February but March, wow, March. It was my busiest reading month. April and May we were in the process of moving and getting that stuff done. It was not easy so my reading took a back burner a little bit. And in June, I was finishing up homeschooling. I can honestly say the same thing for July. So here I am, vowing to read more.

January:
A Christmas Miracle Book Review
Destiny Maker
Stress and Peace

February:
The Power of Broke
Breaking Busy
Walk to Beautiful: How a Homeless Kid Found His Way
How to Become an Insider on Printmaking
How Can Legos Fit Into Your Faith?
The Productivity Project

March:
Phonics Set (+Giveaway) 
I said Yes-After Heart Ache, 3rd Time is the Charm
How to Create Your Own Rooftop Garden...in the City!
Important or Influential- Which Will You Choose to Be?
Stress + Anger Destroys Families-- Are You Pitchin' a Fit?
7 Powerful Ways to a Faster Metabolism
Revealing School-- What They are Really Doing to Kids
What does it mean to be Dinosaurs of Eden?
What Does it Mean to Be Created and Called?
What does it mean to have "The Emotional Edge"?
How to Master the Art of Freaking Out & Overcome Fear
101 Ways to Have Fun for Girls
The Seven Laws of Love & How to Love Everyone

April:
Mother's Day Blessings are Strong in These 3 Kids
Playing the Part Book- Danger, Love, Secrets, Feminism
11 Simple People Skills: Get Everything You Want
What Does it Mean to be a Brave Girl?
How to Find the Work You Were Meant to Do

May:
How to Declutter Your Home, Mind and Soul
The League & The Lantern
Hidden Wisdom in a Confusing World from a Guy
Happy Mother's Day: 43 Letters of Struggles & Hope

June:
All Summer Long- An SF Romance
Healing Brokeness and Finding Freedom from Shame

Have you read any of these books?

What did you think of them?

Healing Brokeness and Finding Freedom from Shame

I get to read this book called "Unashamed" by Heather Davis Nelson/ +Crossway which aligns so much with what I am processing and going through right now.

Shame is:
* The need to be perfect so others won't see our faults
* What we put on others when we feel they fail us
* Why we hold onto negative feelings and can't forgive
* What someone gives another when they hurt them that they have to bring to light or carry forever
* One of the 'seven deadly sins' that we hide from the world

 (Giving Up as a Healing)

Guilt versus Shame
"I did something bad" versus "I am bad"

"We wear shame like a shield, hiding who we know ourselves to be and protecting ourselves from we fear others could be".

A lot of the times we can confuse the two and I really like that she distinguishes the two. There is a lot of both in relationships.

In celebrating a book wanting to give up shame, we must also learn to give up, allow hurt to be, and grow up from it in future relationships. It is allowing ourselves to be free from what is.

(Allowing the hurt to be)

Pro's/Cons
+ Reflection and Discussion
+ Action Steps
+ Easy read
+Know yourself
- Wish it were written more from a spiritual perspective rather than a biblical one (this meaning that it is not relying as heavily on the bible as reference nor using Jesus 20x on one page)

 How to create a better relationship 

What I Love
While I didn't get as much as I would have hoped from reading parts of it, the biggest benefit from buying this book is the questions for self help and for learning to rid yourself of the shame that holds you back. Just for that alone this is a great book. I am less than enthusiastic about all the heavy biblical references. Not that I don't believe in God, but just rubs me the wrong way sometimes because I don't feel that I make my decisions to heal myself solely on my spirituality and if it is a book about un-shaming oneself, the Christian culture is full of shame towards oneself especially women. Maybe this book is trying to break that.

She tackles four huge beasts in shame:
a) self
b) society
c) marriage
d) being a parent

Win It!

a Rafflecopter giveaway * This book was received in exchange for a honest review, no other compensation. To win you can not have won with Fly By Promotions in the last month* 

How Giving Up Can Actually Help You

Title sounds strange for a person who is a optimistic person most of the time, doesn't it? Stay with me to see how it is really is optimistic. Taken me only 30+ years to figure this out. I shall add this to the 'things I wish I knew before' column.

So, I don't always go to church, nor am I defined in my faith (sue me later), but when I go, I usually walk away with something. I fully believe meaning and truth can be derived from anywhere (revolutionary, I know!) Today was no exception.

"Repenting isn't doing a check list. Repenting is giving up trying what we aren't capable of fixing."
Of course, this is totally paraphrased but it was such a potent message for me.

Why could it be a potent message for you?

~ Do you suffer from self loathing from problems that are past?
~ Do you feel inadequate in any way?
~ Do you say "screw this, I am going to do this on my own"?
~ Do you try and try (and try) to make relationships, projects, or things work out?
~ Do you only feel worthy when you make check list requirements you or another set forth?

Working with check lists is something I have been guilty of (with or without knowing). Messy check lists- but check lists none-the-less. I have been trying on my own to fix something so big that relying on just me to do it, won't do it. We all do it- just admit that you make a list of some kind.

So those who may identify with what I am talking about, don't be hard on yourself.

Using marriage as a prime example. You have two beings. You have two sets of families. You have children involved. Nothing is uncomplicated about it. If you have an issue with(in) marriage, it is B.I.G. It really truly involves more than just one person trying to constantly fix it for years to later be burned out and burned down. Trying to solve it by oneself will only further dissolve faith, in my opinion. I know, because with things in life, throughout different stages in my life, I have been burned out by trying to do it all myself. I have to submit and admit that I can't be and won't be a series of checklists and approvals- as much as it would simplify my life.

Work would be another great example. Whether volunteer work or paid work, you can be pushed into meeting criteria, (aren't we all hired based off a check list?), that makes it impossible to meet. Friends of mine got hired for one thing and ended up doing many other things than what they were hired for or working insane hours including on the weekends (with or without overtime). We want to all please our employers. It is another complicated and B.I.G. thing in which we identify ourselves and try to please others. After all, it is our bread and butter. So it isn't as simple as walking away from a situation. It is bigger than that. It is representative of walking away from your literal bread-and-butter. So pleasing the employer can mean pushing our worth into our work. Even in volunteering, where one doesn't get paid, I have personally experienced wanting to please or make sure I make the check marks in the organisation and not once offend anyone. Not realistic, first off, and very stressful for anyone. I volunteer sometimes 40 hours a week- yes, for real. Mostly, 10-30 hours a week average. Finally accepting my worth (and love) in being a leader and that I won't please everyone (ie: an event date won't work for everyone) has allowed me to better serve and love those I look after.

This was my walk away.

~ No matter what you believe in, the law of repentence is the same
~ What you need to fix is often bigger than you are capable of doing on your own
~ Giving up what you need repenting or fixing for to the greater cosmic being (whatever that it is that you believe) is really the only way
~ Not giving it up to another cosmic reasoning makes you more resentful of the situation and less able to work it out.
~ It made me feel less worthy, less loved, less able to do
~ It takes physical manifestations in my body, mind, and life
~ It will and does eat up years of your life, your relationships, and more if you can't let go
~ You GAIN power, self love, trust, faith, and opportunity when you can give it up

I am way more spiritual than religious. I like it that way.

As weird as this may sound, defining God not only seems wrong, but seems offensive to 'him or her or it' if God is as grand as we all think. If we believe he is capable of anything and everything, we need to fully submit that we don't know it all.

Personal take away.

~ You can't control someone else's intentions or feelings
~ You can't take sole responsibility for any failure in a relationship as it takes two
~ You can try my best to let go of self-guilt and to do list to make up
~ Admit the fuck ups and know that you are worthy anyways
~ You feel better when you don't try to do it all, fix it all, be it all

And with irony in the title, I leave you with this song as it fits well...

How can YOU give it up so you can help  yourself? (Share with me here)

One of the Best Organisation Tools for Teachers Here

Want to know something to celebrate this coming Friday? Yes, it is something that can make our lives easier! Woot! 

Being able to use My School Year (Homeschool Record Keeping) by MySchoolYear.com is helpful in trying to make your life easier as a teacher.  

And, as a teacher, I can get wrapped in planning so much that keeping track of it can be a pain in the butt with three children. Let's be real with ourselves. Being creative with lessons and planning them is great but keep track of grades and time spent can just be hard. Some people home school more kids than I do- yes, amazing right?-- my hat is off to you. 

So, I am excited to be able to have access and use this product!  It is solely online. And I honestly think it is good for everyone who is a teacher, teacher's assistant, tutor, learning coach, anything to do with teaching kids. This is a great, if not, one of the best organisation tools I have come across. They took very good care to be thorough and made it easy to use. 

For example, you can see here in the picture that I am able to add classes within classes. This one is for physical education itself for my youngest child. 

For physical education, I pre-dated Fall Soccer in there so we can see the plan ahead of time for physical education for the fall. I am sure you can add in going to the park and such as well (especially for the younger kids or even I bet walking to the grocery store and just put as long distance walking. We have walked 5 miles in a day before so I most definitely count it as PE). 


PROS: 

*  You can add a past date
*  You can put in the time spent
*  You can put in an actual grade, even as detailed as A+ or A-.
*  You can add notes
*  You can add materials used
* LOVE that  you can see the reading list for each child! I can also add a reading list for each child. 
*  You can add standardize testings and their scores
* You can add extra activities, like scouting, to it as well
*  You can add awards as well, IE boy scout rank, to it as well
* You can add volunteer hours and positions
* Incredibly user friendly
* You can create transcripts and report cards 
* You can add internships, sports, etc 
* You can start the year anytime (IE, if you home school year round)

You can create downloadable pdf's of all the reports that automatically download to the computer. I am super stoked about this because it allows me to show the state when I need to, what they are doing. 


Another cool feature is that I can add sub categories under the main class title. For example, I can put meditation and then put religion (we don't do regular bible studies here because we believe in allowing freedom of religion exploration within school-- that if study one, we study all!).  I can put 5th century Germany under History. So I can keep very meticulous track of what they are studying and the lessons plans that go with it. 

CONS:

I do wish they would allow you to put in the ability to add a PDF of the work-- a work sample if you will, so you can keep track. This would be perfect for families on the go. I can't tell you how many times that we do an awesome project and somehow it goes missing or we can't find it. This gives the ability to move around without the worry of losing the work. 

Pretty much everything you would need is here and I am very happy with it. I am stoked to be using throughout our school year. 

While this is meant for teachers, I bet parents who wanted to keep track and be proactive in their kids' education could do the same- but really, who has time for that? Teachers barely do. 

This is likely one of the best yet I have seen. 

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Is LearnBop Actually Worth It for Summer Review?

We got LearnBop for Families for 2-4 kids this year from LearnBop.
Especially over the summer when their math skills need to be practiced to get them ready for the next school year- I am looking for a great program to help with that.  Is LearnBop actually worth it for summer review for the kids? 
I think during the year, this is a great tool for teachers to use with parents to assign homework or as a homeschool parent to be able to assign work to help their math skills. 

When I went in and created their profiles I noticed I could choose their subject. The thing I was surprised at was that the subjects they would be tested on were the same no matter what grade level I choose. It was weird. Of course, my kids are close in age that it could be contributing factor. 
We know K12 well too so I was hoping it would be more interactive and less quiz-like. 
When the first questions popped up for my daughter, she freaked out and had tears running down her face. I cam over and low and behold, it had asked her a question she hadn't had the chance to learn. This apparently was the placement assessment and it did not clue either of us in that this was the case. That is going to be a chief complaint of mine. 
No child is the same. There needed to have been an easier adaptable assessment of sorts to see where the child is. Then bring up questions that help with where they need to start. It would also refuse to allow my daughter to go on if for some reason (on some questions) she didn't know the answer. 

She is in 2nd grade going into 3rd. I was stoked to use this to get her a jump start over the summer in math as it is a subject she struggles in. And it only starts a 3rd, so it's not like I could do 2nd for her. So I was hoping this would be a good bridge, if you will, for her. 
My next thing was that my son was able to sit down and do it. He had a much easier time since he is going into 5th grade and has completed most of 4th grade. He sometimes also struggles with math. So I put his level at 4th grade and he seems to be doing fine with it. He says he doesn't like it, but I think it is hopefully going to help refresh his skills so when he goes into 5th grade math he won't need so much the refreshers. 
And sometimes, it is honestly more about what they need rather than what they want. 
Every child is different. Both of mine and this program I had different reasons for wanting to do. I think my daughter won't be able to do this (so I may use with a friend's child I sometimes have over and sit). My son I want to really work on this though more throughout the summer. He needs the practice and the concepts aren't out of his league. 
Who this is Good For...
A child who has been exposed to the concepts and needs more practice. Or a child who knows and want to learn ahead. This can work well for both of these sets of kids. I think it is worth a try for kids 4th grade and up. 
Parents-- also, you get an account with this so I am stoked to be able to follow along with my children as they learn the math to see how it is being taught today! SUPER helpful! 
What the Kids Thoughts are!
"I think that they need to do a more thorough introduction and survey of what they (the student) like and what rewards they want to earn. It is  a lot like (another online program).. I want it more fun." ~ My 10 year old son. 
"I don't like it at all. It is not personalised at all. It is worse than (another online program). No rewards. It does pictures but they aren't good graphics. They should make it more personalised. For example, I like pokemon. So if I get it right, a pokemon cartoon can come on. But if I get it wrong, a pokemon will pop up and go 'pow'. " ~10 year old son
"It is too hard. They started off with a hard question I don't know!!! The questions are too hard. You don't know if there is a beginner third grader or not-- you are just giving them hard work. When you think of a beginning third grader, a middle third grader, and an ending third grader, they are different. You are putting it all together. It is very stressful." ~ My 8 year old daughter.  All in All...
Not our favourite math program. I would prefer another that I can use with all the kids.  I think this is great for review for the kids WHILE they are doing it or after they do it. 
So we WILL be using it as say a tutor or homework to the lessons they need help with to brush up their skills. I think with more time they will like it especially for my daughter once the concepts are more concrete in her thinking. 
One of the biggest things I LOVE about it is summed up in a picture here below!

They give a subscription to another student who would otherwise not be able to use the program when you buys yours. I love this BOGO offer kind of thing. It's not just the deal. It means they care about kids' education and accessibility over the summer. 
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My Monday Motivation: Allow The Hurt to Be

*This piece was written a week ago today... and it is still so beautiful and potent that I had to share *

I have just moved my family and currently write this while wearing what I slept in... there are perks to home schooling. I am focusing on what is really important in my life. Clothes does not happen to be one of them right now. I am sure that my daughter will outfit me in a dress soon during dress up though. I look forward to this.

They are on break and fish sticks cooking for lunch. Cookie prizes for my girl scout troop are done. So I sit here writing this.

Still, no matter how much I distract myself, I can't get past feeling very bleh today and feeling very much... in pain. I want to cry, I want to be alone, I want to rest.

I have a good idea of what is causing it....

More or less a broken heart.

I spent the last year and half to two years, (I really have lost count), really having to dig deep and go through things that I thought were past as I was going through something (really fucking) hard. Like, not wanting to get out bed, hard. On top of it, my heart got extremely broken in the process.

This is something I normally wouldn't share but I feel this could be helpful to you as a reader of mine. We live in a world where it is the next big thing, shiny, new, sunny days. We are not suppose to have grey days, hurt, be in pain, be different.

If we do, we need to take a pill, change our feelings, medicate it with drugs or alcohol or else there is something seriously wrong with us. We feel shamed, less of a person, like we have to hide us.

Something is seriously wrong with this. I got to talk to someone last night, a sister, who she and I are both going through our own set of painful things-- and as odd is this is going to sound, I am happy we are going through it together. Struggles come in many different forms and sizes but they all need support and love.

Going through it with someone, having the humility to be able to cry front of someone else, being able to show true emotion and connection, is something profound. I have grown so close to my sister more and more through these struggles we are both having. I can not even express gratitude I have.

There is much to learn from a broken heart. And having a broken heart doesn't mean that you are depressed and that depression is not okay. Screw that. Even you were depressed, many people are and suffer in silence. So read that again-- it is okay to be depressed! Being hurt and suffering from a broken heart is okay.

I may have days that are good and days that are bad and days that are bleh but I would rather that then not be real with myself. If you are like me, say to yourself that you don't give a shit about what others think of you. It is about you growing as a person. I suffer too from wanting to please everyone and it is seriously such a hard place to be in.

You feel shamed. You feel vulnerable. It is not comfortable but it is necessary.

"Broken hearts have many reasons and seasons." ~@Via__Bella #brokenheart #love #selflove #truth

— Via Bella (@Via__Bella) June 20, 2016

If we try to skip the season we are in, we can move onto the next. Just not healthfully or truthfully and so going through it is the best. And it will come in waves and that is okay. One day you will feel fine and the next day inspired and the next day after that you will feel like shit and super tired. That is normal and okay.

My heart feels like some stomped on it.
My heart feels empty and void of being loved the way it deserves.
My heart feels like needles have been stuck in it and it slowly leaking.
My heart feels like it got frozen full of sadness.

Some days you will feel empowered
Some days you will feel crushed down
Some days will feel they will never end
Some day you will just up and move on.
Until that some day arrives, just be and feel.

The best part of all this is, while these are many words written, I am still at a lose for words for how I am feeling and what this is doing to me. I just know that it is going to be getting better... once I can get through this!

Why is it a Monday Motivation?

Because you learn 7 things you shouldn't do unless you want to screw up your relationships.
Because you learn to admit that you have a broken heart.
Because you learn to read books about celebrities who have the same experience (we are all the same).

Because you learn it is okay to be you! 

YOU are STRONG enough to go through it! 

YOU are fucking enough! 

YOU rock! 

Homeschooling My 3 Vivacious Kids Isn't Easy- So Why Do I Do It?

I am glad to do a virtual interview with "Faith and Good Works" blog.

"Why do you home school?"
"Aren't you just being over protective of them?"
"Are they really getting an education?"
"How do you know where they are at?"
"Are you sure you are qualified to teach your own child?"

The interview here will answer some of the questions.
Some do it for protective reasons, some do it for religious reasons, some do it because (insert your cultural or social stereotypical answer in here) but I don't. I do it for the education. So I know they are being challenged. So I know they are contributing to the world. Being world citizens.

Yes, to answer the qualified questions. I have worked in classrooms, been the TA, been a tutor, am currently a boy scout leader and girl scout leader (to huge groups of kids). I have a college education.

Now that we are past that, let's move onto the real interview!

The Q and A (from F&GW blog):

These are the questions-- read the full thing here for the answers!! 

1. How many children are you currently homeschooling? How long have you been homeschooling?

I have three children that I home school currently. I have been homeschooling for 5 years now. 

2. Have your children always been home-schooled? Why did you decide to home school?

3. How would you describe your style of homeschooling?

My style? Collective.

4. What does a typical day in your home school look like?

CHECK OUT THE FULL INTERVIEW HERE! 

5. What kinds of tools or curriculum do you use to home school?

We use K12, School House Review, National Park Service, Smithosain Museums, etc. 

What are the others?-- read it here! 

6. Do you have a motto, quote, or scripture for your home school? Why did you pick it?

One is the same as cub scouts,  "Do your best". (Can you tell I am a proud boy scout leader? LOL). 

The other being this super awesome quote;
"Shoot for the Moon, if you miss you will land amongst the stars". 

7. Is your spouse or other family members involved in your homeschooling?

8. What is your favorite part of homeschooling? What is your least favorite part?

READ FULL INTERVIEW HERE: 

9. What is the best piece of advice you were given about homeschooling?


10. Finish this sentence: Homeschooling is…..

11.  Advice would you give to someone who is considering homeschooling?

If I were to advise someone... that is hard.  But it is 1000% worth it. If you feel your kid needs to be home schooled, do it. Even if your mum, sister, friend, husband, wife, does not approve it explain to them why and stick to your guns. It could be school safety, worried about what they are learning or not learning, worried about bullying, etc etc. Also, if you start and can't that is okay too! You can always give them teaching moments. 

Via Bella is a blogger of many things (reviews, giveaway, homeschooling, scouting, parenting, life), a homeschooler, a scout leader of 67 kids for both boy scouts and girl scouts, a dreamer, an entrepreneur of many sorts, but above all this... a mum of 3 vivacious kids.
You can follow Via Bella: Facebook , Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, G+.
Since I love getting to know my readers, I will follow back as well.

7 Things NOT to do To Screw Up Your Relationships

To men (or women) out there, whether you are spiritual or not, I want to have a few words with you if you want to keep your spouse or girlfriend or partner happy. Some, okay, maybe a lot of them are learned from me or people close to me. So take heed that these are not spoken lightly or out of my butt. I promise.

Think this is just about a romantic relationship? Hahaha, that is cute and funny.

While, yes, this is highly leaning towards romantic and intimate relationships, it is not, like life, define by those boundaries.

It includes but is not limited to:
* friendships
* mother - child
* son - child
* siblings
* co workers (less so)
* romantic relationships
* domestic partnerships
* parental partnerships

Basically, if you have a human relationship of any kind, you can benefit from reading this ESPECIALLY IF YOU DO IT with an open mind to grow.

#1 Don't Put Their Needs as an Extra Curricular
This is going to piss your partner off to no end. They are not 3rd helpings at dinner. They can't serve your emotional, mental, sexual, and physical needs for you to treat us as anything less than important to you. What are you trying to accomplish with this? Why are your needs any more important than that of your "other"?

You do realise, that when you do this, you hurt yourself, right? If you don't, and you haven't experienced it yet, you soon will.

Imagine being on the receiving end of it and feeling as though you were dedicated to the relationship and putting the other person first. You would end up feeling a broken heart on Valentine's Day (or any other day of the year, it is just way more pronounced on Valentine's Day).

Both people have to be invested in each other fully. Giving their all and not being looked at as though they are not worthy of being number 1 in the other person's life.

We all at some point in a relationship need more give than take sometimes- and that is okay as long as it is balanced out and when the other person needs you you are there for them whole heartedly in whatever way they NEED (not you wanting). You will learn to stretch your heart. That is one way we grow in love. A lot of the time we feel we can't do it, but you can!

#2 When They Are Exhausted and Need a Break... EVEN IF it Inconveniences You

So what, you have to miss your club for the night? Seriously, who cares? If you are putting your needs above that of your partner ALL the time, that is a big problem. We are all in this together and you can not simply say I get all my personal needs met, but yours? Fuck them. That is exactly what you say when you do this to your partner. It wears them down. It hurts them. It really hurts them. Then guess what? It will hurt you.

It is also a part of growth to be honest with you that you are going beyond what YOU NEED and giving them what THEY NEED for the moment.

To tell a story, last night, I was freaking exhausted. My body, my heart, my soul, all feeling this void and energyless pit. I was just purely exhuasted. I HAD to go to bed early-- before dinner even. My whole self was that damn tired! It wasn't a choice.

So, me getting that rest wasn't a choice for me.... it was a necessity!

Anyone that knows me knows that I generally push myself pretty hard. No one can say that I rest long. I don't. I am a mover and shaker kind of person. If there is a program I can do for my girl scouts or boy scouts, I am organising it. If I am being a home school teacher to my 3 children, I am doing that. I wouldn't change that for the world.

But being physically sick, emotionally hurt and exhausted, I needed the break. My body could only handle for so long the moving process- which was the hardest f*n move I have made, trumping moving cross country (even with kids helping out-- see my kids help moving tips here), going through a lot emotionally, finishing up the school year, and scouting year-- it's been real and I am tired!

Had I not had the sleep I needed, I would be waking up sicker, more emotionally drained, and frankly more bitchy because I would have no energy reserves.

Are you catching my drift of how caring for yourself and caring for the other person's needs in your life helps you? Okay then, let's move on.

#3 YOU are NOT the Most Important Thing in the Relationship- You BOTH Are

If you think you are, you are not ready for a relationship. Honestly. It is SO rude and inconsiderate to only think of yourself in any situation let alone be it a personal or intimate relationship or marriage. We all have our shit that we have to go through. We all do.

It is one thing to do this occasionally and on accident. It is a whole new thing when it is constant and repeated all the time.

Going through your shit together can become one of the most powerful things ever. Like ever! If you think though that you are so toxic though to that relationship, let it go for a while and maybe come back to it.

You can enter any relationship, even one that looks perfect on the outside, and realise that many things have to be worked out together. Sure, you can tell that person to go fuck off, get a life and come back when they are not only perfect but worked through their shit on their own. But let's look at human nature. We were NOT build for that. We were built to work together. And frankly, if you say anything like that, than YOU WERE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM! I mean that.

We all have our history, our past, our personal and interpersonal issues. If you think that the other person is the only one with issues, you are wrong. Yours are different but don't discount theirs. Theirs may be smaller issues or bigger issues. You may look at them and wonder why they have issues loving themselves (I know I have had issues with this). You may shoo them off and not help teach them how to love themselves. Then that issue never goes away and you never help your relationship. You may have issues with expressing how you are really feeling and wow, look at that, they can help you with it.

There you go-- you can both help each other! What a concept!

It is all a balance.

#4 Don't Stick to Your Guns When You Have That One Situation That Needs Doing

The best example I can give right now is it being Sunday and you are under the gun for moving day. You have hours to get things done and you leave your partner, wife or significant other high and dry to deal with everything on their own. It tells them that they are not worthy of your help when they are moving you. And if you are going to use the Sunday "must-go-to-church" argument, don't stay for all the fun stuff or realise that even pastors take time off when their families need them because the realise the value their family has in them being there in the first place.

I know a lot of pastors and have a lot of friends that work in the church world, not that I am or consider myself strong in faith. But I do know they wouldn't leave their families to do all the work for them.

It is not valuing what you need any less, but it is saying there is an urgent pressing thing that needs doing.

Also, food for thought, when you stick to your guns, the other person is learning off your behaviour and will do the exact same thing. Thus creating a very vicious and toxic cycle that is incredibly hard to break.

Maybe create a calendar. This may not work for everyone but each prepare to take time for self in say, the moving process, the busy day, taking care of kids, etc. This is something I personally wish I would have done more.

#5 STOP Picking STUPID Fights
So what, the green beans weren't able to be found so we had salad. And.... yeah- the fight is real!

All these stupid fights that you have constantly add pressure, undo, to any relationship. And can build the toxicity to a relationship. All the fights that you feel have no baring on your long term relationship will and will create such a toxicity that you will look back and wonder-- "what the hell happened?!"

Some stupid fights are part of relationships. It is called it being the end of the day. It is called the end of the school year. It is called "someone lost their job." It is called the baby woke up again and threw up everywhere. It is called.... wait for it... LIFE!

It is when it is constant and then you wonder how you could ever be with that person. If you don't learn to submit to each other, NOT in the way that people use the bible for, or blow out of proportion, because I am against that, but in a healthy way.

When you can both submit aka compromise your needs and wants you both are MUCH happier. And this is universal whether you are sleeping with someone, married to them, your sister or brother, your friend. Every relationship calls for compromise of some kind.

#6 When They Admit Their Fuck-Ups, Accept It
When do people now and days actually admit their fuck ups? When done whole heartedly and jsut for you, be open to it.

Don't sit there and not take it seriously. If they want to say, sorry I screwed up, take it. Move on. Ask questions if you need to, say how it affected you. But don't, for the love of everything sacred, DON'T hold onto an old version of who you thought that person was.

Everything is a process and likely you will revisit that time that what happened affected you. Not to say that you move on and everything becomes suddenly peachy. You may go through it several more times throughout the next 20 years. But better that to grow up from it and move on in the best way you can. Running away is not the way and will bite you in the ass.

When you have been with someone for 10 months or 10 years, if you old onto a person's personality from 10 months ago or 10 years ago, you have not allowed them to grow in your mind. So your mind and the reality are not the same.

Why does that matter? Because if you see someone has an old version of themselves that means that they have grown and are willing to but you are not. Even if you try to change your habits and thinking "well, I am better now. But them, no!" That is falsehood at it's finest. You have no clue what is going on inside them unless you listen to it with an open heart.

It doesn't happen overnight; it develops in stages. I feel that we are capable of doing this without having to go to therapy. The whole idea of therapy is jarring for some.And going to therapy over something you can work on yourself is a hell of a lot more empowering and saves you a shit load of money. It is not like the dentist- you can't work on your own teeth. But your feelings you can. You have to be open to it. Therapists are there to help facilitate it. If you need to go, you can, but try first to practice being open hearted. Practice listening to the other person. Chances are you can give yourself a jump start by doing that (and then go if you still need it).

We all fuck up-- so when the other person admits it, accept it and don't be cocky about it either. If you have fucked up, admit it so they are not left hanging. If they need you to accept the apology, accept it. If they need to work it out with you, work it out.

Don't make things more complicated then they need to be.

#7 When They Want to Work it Out, You Need to Try
And not the half ass try. That is just not going to work. It is different to say that you need some time to yourself and to work things out. It is another to say, "oh you want to work it out... well not me". And the reasons you give don't make sense. Make sure that you work your shit out with yourself and be real to you and the person you are with.

It is worthy to try, any time, any day.

It is one thing when it really can't work out but I am of the mind frame that it can work if you try. If you don't work through your shit, it will go to your next relationship. And trust me it will.

I once read this post from a guy on why he wouldn't date a single mother ever again-- you know, because they are all the same. *insert angry emoticon here*

The comments from that thread blew up and have pissed me off to no end. They put everyone (every single mother) into a box because of a few bad eggs. They say they won't date a single mum because of the baggage and expectations they have. That they put their kids first. That they are selffish. Um... no. And mums need to put their kids first. Their relationships should also be first (tied really) but if I am just starting to date you, of course my kids come first. Duh! I don't know you from Adam in the beginning. A lot of these comments had so many curse words, hatred, and so much more. Anyways, I got off on a tanget but it did have a point.

They had these hateful comments to say and were not willing to look at people and situations as individual. That hurts the overall. You are going to limit who you see and date or work on a relationship with because you are too close minded. You are only hurting yourself and it's sad.

And if you are currently in a relationship, realising nothing is perfect is first off. The other thing is that the grass isn't always greener and you do need to try to work with what you have first.

See the blessing in what you have and work on what you want to be better. Not all relationships are doomed. They just aren't. If you give into that thought, then they will be. Where there is will, there is a way.

Now, if it truly can't work, it can't. But still work on what went right and what went wrong in the relationship, even if it is by yourself. And do it honestly. Otherwise, moving on isn't going to happen.

All Summer Long- An SF Romance

At first, when reading this book, I was not totally into it, to be honest. But as I kept reading, I started getting more involved with it feeling that it was going to be hard to put down. And it was. I finished the entire book in just a few sittings.

I have to admit upfront that I am a hopeless romantic. Like most Hollywood stories, it definitely had predictability to it- and that was okay. Sometimes reading books like that are a great thing. Like you can see where it is going and so it becomes an easier read.

Kind of like watching Maid in Manhattan or The Wedding Planner. A sweet romantic movie/book.

The Wedding Planner is great and the best analogy in the movie world.

Instead of it being Jennifer Lopez and the Doctor who is engaged to Fran and having to realise he is falling for his wedding planner when the family had plans for Dr and Fran because they had known each other for so long. He finally realises that he is not what he wanted- and went with his wedding planner.

Like that, Natalie, a lawyer, and Leo are engaged to be married on the same day that he has to pick up Tia. She is working on her aunt's boat and he is the captain. The aunt, Julie, doesn't realise that these two went to a boating summer camp back when they were teens. Even Natalie was there. Natalie and Leo's dads are both lawyers of the same firm- so when they find out they are engaged, they are wild with excitement. When Tia shows up for her job, not knowing that her and Leo are going to be working together, well, that throws a emotional wrench at Leo. He goes forth with wedding plans even though he is clearly not wanting to move that fast. Tia keeps as much to herself as possible and to her work, but miserable. How are they going to manage working together and how does this love triangle work out?

I felt the book ended faster than I would like only because the big turning point, which I definitely won't give away, was not as much in the middle, it was more towards the end. It would be have been nice to hear more about the blossom of the relationship of Tia and Leo instead of it quickly jumping into marriage. It would have been nice to hear more about how the investment of the other characters would have played out.

After all, once nice thing about books versus movies, is that the ending doesn't have to be more abrupt. It can happen slowly.

This was about adventure, life, and love. Finding oneself and being able to try to deal with heart break, life, work, and know that everything works itself out in the end. It was cute but could use more romantic details, to be honest. But very cute. I give it a 3.5-4 for what it is (a cute fluff piece).

 * I was given this book in exchange for my honest review *

The Sword in the Tree-- A Great E-Guide

We got to review "The Sword in the Tree" E-guide by Progeny Press.

I am going to jump right to it and get into the pros and cons of the E guide we used from Progeny Press. What we liked, didn't like, the process, everything. Hope you get something out of it.

PROS: 

* Their site is crisp, clean, and easy to use.

* There is a customer chat box even if you are offline- so if you have questions ask away.

* Once you order something or retrieve or gift card, you are able to not only download the study guide but also the answer key.

* These things are downloaded separately! This is a HUGE please. Especially with kids who keep trying to guess my password when I have to log in their time....  *fake cough*

* You can download directly to students computers or the teacher's computer-- this of course keeps things separated for obvious reasons

* You can download this and put into your google drive files for homeschool-- if you use those. I sometimes do. It keeps everything on one spot. Just make sure when you do this, to keep it private so no student information is out there.

* As you read the guide before you get to the actual guide for the kids, I like you can see not only who wrote it and their back ground but also that of the peer reviewers. It was nice to see how many (educated) hands went into making what I am about to use to educate my child.

* About the author (not just the writer of the guide but the book itself). This is nice because it is not always included.

* It gives you pre-reading ideas before you start reading and this is done in the guide as a separate chapter. I like when they do it this way because it is more organised in my opinion to be able to navigate.

* The vocabulary for each set of chapters is given as it's own chapter in between the chapter they are learning and the one to follow. I really like and appreciate this lay out.

* They put in connections into other school subjects other than literature, for example; science.

* LOVE LOVE LOVE that you can type the answers to each chapters questions straight into the guide. This is HUGE! Because not all learners like to hand write. One of mine being one of them. So they can type their own answer into the guide and print later. I really appreciate this!

* Class Discussions: I love this especially with multiple kids. I love having them sit down and do it on their own (not their favourite) and then coming together to talk about it.

* Vocabulary units are 'off the chain'. Yes, I used slang. But love how they did it! They didn't do it just as vocabulary from the dictionary- no. It is also contextual from the story, self reflection and real life. That is much more real than how we grew up learning vocabulary!

* They learn the difference between first, second, and third person narratives. They also have be able to demostrate it.

*Field Trip Portions. Love the ideas they give. Oh my, I can see my kids saying... "but the guide told me to go outside... so bye!" LOL. I love it.

* It is written to not be done quickly. My kids can sometimes want to zoom through things. I like that this is not overly challenging for them but does lessons how I like them. Drawn out and able to learn every ounce of information both in the book and in the world from it.

CONS:

- You are only allowed a few downloads of the file. While I see why this is the case (copyright, anyone?) it really puts families with more than 2 kids at a deteramint when they are trying to all do the same lesson on their own. For example, I have several friends who have 8 or more kids. What about them? While most don't have them in similar or same grade level I have a friend who has several set of twins all within the range of grade levels to need to do the same lessons.

- On the "dig deeper" portions, I really wish they did not put: "read this bible verse and comment" kind of thing. While this works for one of my kids, it definitely doesn't for my other child. I feel that saying, "let's dig deep and here is a resource" is putting it in a way that encourages rather being forced to answer the question based on the Bible. I feel that it should be open to spirituality so the other child can explore who they are. I know not everyone sees it that way but those of us believers who believe in allowing our kids to believe on their own (with guidance) would greatly benefit from this.

Overall, this was a very well thought out, well written guide for the book, "The Sword in the Tree" and my kids and I enjoyed using it!

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13+ Ways Forbrain is the Best to Retrain Your Brain

We were happy to get to review Forbrain by Forbrain-Sound for Life Ltd.



One reason I really wanted to do this review was because schooling, home or not, hasn't  been easy for us. Why? Because my kids (and I) have ADHD. Not the overly diagnosised kind that you medicate yourself for. I get that medication works for many but any man made medication, in my opinion, needs to be looked at with scurtiny. At the end of the day, there are drug companies that go and push doctors to prescribe you something. Some doctors are out for your best interest and others are out for the pay out. Why am I saying this? Because simple solutions, no matter how damaging, have become common practice both within the school system and within the social accepted normal.

I see ADHD has a blessing, not a curse. Now, it certaintly is a double edge sword. When I got tested in college, they were stunned, people who have tested people for ADHD for years, that I had survived the school system without someone catching it. ( I am cool like that, what can I say?) I scored in the 98% with only 2% of those with ADHD being worse than I.

I survived childhood and did well in school with been severely ADHD WITHOUT medication. *BAZINGA!*

Me having it means my kids will likely have it too. I didn't want to throw them on medication.
In fact, I didn't assume they had it. Not all kids have it just because their parents do.
So I waited. My eldest son showed signs very strongly from an early age that he had it. My daughter has some form of it as well. Part of it is being a kid yes, but other parts are clearly ADHD.

So, why do I share this with you? 

To let you know you can have a child or yourself that has severe ADHD and be able to think of alternative ways to deal with it. Fish oil is one way. The omegas help your brain. Exercise is another way. ForBrain is another way.

ForBrain  is...
+ helpful with audiotory processing
+ Because it conducts the audio directly over your bone, it transmits it 10 faster than over air
+ Super easy to use
+ Helps with Speech
+ Rechargable
+ Able to be used by everyone in the family

What we liked:
+ You can hear your own voice to know you sound so you can build self confidence in presenting self
+ I am going to even say this has helped me listen to me as a parent towards my kids so I can hear exactly what they hear. Sounds odd, but it is the truth
+ It helped my son's speech because he was struggling to make sense to other people because he still spoke like a toddler and it was frustrating for some. (Less so me, but I understood my child like most people do). Even other people have commented on his growth in the speech area already.
+ It is friendly to use and kids have a natural sense of wanting to explore with things and experiment with their voices so it wasn't hard to get them to use.
+ Helped focus and filter out outside noise by "talking to self" and hearing themselves crystal clear
+ With minor hear loss with my birth defect (cleft palate), it has helped be like my glasses for my ears. Sound funny but true. I can hear things better yet not close to needing hearing aids. So this is a nice in between.
+ Improves attention
+ My daughter loves to sing into it which builds her confidence but she loves to read with it
+ My son uses it when he needs to be super focused on school work
+ My younger son, when he tries to do reading and phonics, this will be tremendously helpful
+I am planning to help with when my kids get upset of having them hear how they sound and help retrain how they deal with situations
+ TREMENDOUSLY help for their ADHD (yay no medication)
+ The most perfect case to keep it protected for continued use-- so important with kids

What we didn't like:
- My daughter was upset she couldn't just use it sing into LOL
- Sometimes would blimp out of working.
- Sometimes would pick up the oddest sounds rather than others- but it was rare.

KIDS REVIEW:
+ So, this helps confidence boost and it really helps boost yourself
+ It helps you focus what you are saying
+Best Thing Ever

I HIGHLY recommend this product for you and your family. It can help with SO much!
SIMPLY the ONE OF THE BEST PRODUCTS I have reviewed thus far!

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And You Think My 5 Year Old is Racist....

.... Because he told you that you weren't his mum so he wasn't going to listen to you.

Umm.... Are you kidding me?!

I am writing this because I come from the culture from which this person does. So it took me completely by surprise when she stepped in to tell him not to do something (which I didn't have a problem with, never have) until she told me that my 5 year old was racist because he told her he didn't have to listen to her because she wasn't his mum. 

Now, I am ALL for communal raising of children- I think it is good for them. My 5 year old should not have said that and it is not one of my proud parent moments. In fact, for the simple fact of what he said, I was more than okay with the parent and I both stepping in and telling him that was disrespectful. He is five, he is still learning and this was a great opportunity or could have been a great opportunity to teach him that he needs to be respectful. The next thing, the racist comment, that came out of her mouth was completely out of place though. 

However, why would someone mistake my son saying that as being racist?!

First off, you know me very well to know that it couldn't be farther from the truth and second, I am not even mad. You know me as a leader of girls who I advocate hard for to be in a group that accepts them for who they are. They can be rich, poor, Muslim, Jewish, tall, short, every racial group and religious group, younger, older, quiet, loud, brick and mortar school, home school-- basically every walk of life. I go to bat to make sure everyone is invited and included. You know this. Again, I am not even mad.

Why am I not mad?

Because I didn't over react- I listened. I listened closely while saying that there is little way a 5 year old, who is still a toddler, understands the social aspect of saying that to someone. Second, it really had NOTHING to do with my child. It had to do with yours and what they have experienced. That is not accusatory but it is a fact and it is a very sad fact at that. It makes me sad (and angry to be honest with you) to know that your child had experienced racism that other kids would get "away" with for being a normal kid. I feel so bad for you and I would in a heart beat stand by you if someone ever treated you different or your child different for doing the same thing. 

You have a Right to feel this way.

I can't validate or invalidate your feelings or rights to feel a certain way. It is not okay for anyone to ever treat you the way that has caused you to redirect it at my child. Who by the way, loves almost everyone. He made a mistake of saying something he should not have but in no means was or is racist and certainly should not represent whoever has hurt you. 

Your feelings are valid but how do we turn those feelings into action of change?  

Stop Creating Racism-- What?

EVERYONE needs to stop creating it. We see racism on all fronts. One "race" against another. One "race" against itself. 

When you know someone isn't racist, don't find a reason to make them. 

When you tell me, "I know you are not racist, but because your child, 5 year old, told me they didn't have to listen to my because I am not their mother, they are clearly racist."

Um, did you hear yourself? Have you ever heard of a toddler being a toddler?! 

My child doesn't care about the colour of your skin nor should he. He has had times of not listening to men, women, all races and ages. So don't think you are so unique that they would suddenly be racist against you! 

When you tell my 5 year old to his face that he is racist, what in the world do you think you are trying to create? If you hate people being racist to you, certainly don't introduce the idea to a toddler who is none-the-wiser because he has been taught better! 

You told me because my kid was defiant that I better watch myself because the school will hop him on medication with or without my permission... AND that this has been done to other kids from the school, mainly because of race.  There is a MUCH BIGGER PROBLEM because that means the school system is perpetuating racism and that is NOT okay! That needs to be addressed, like yesterday! 

Let me FIGHT WITH YOU against what is such a big problem. I will not approve of anyone treating anyone less than human. And I am known for speaking my mind- big time. I would fight for equality any day of the week and I have. I hate answering the race question any less than "human race" not just for me but for every neighbour, friend, and family member I have.

Maybe you should read how I STOOD UP and refused to acknowledge any of my girls as any different than human because I love them all.  I won't see them and don't see them for what is on the outside, but for what is on the inside. That is SO important to me. 

WE ARE ALL ONE! Please remember that!

Now, how can I help you with this? I want this to stop on all levels.

Readers-- have you experienced this? What do you think?